TOM KLOPFENSTEIN

Tom Klopfenstein

2011-05-08T08:52:00.000-07:00

My favorite preacher

2008-04-29T08:18:00.000-07:00

I'm OK

2008-01-27T11:04:00.000-08:00

Tuesday night I "failed to negotiate" a right hand turn. I slid on the ice and crashed into an unforgiving telephone pole. It's a good thing I had my seat belt on. The airbags helped also. I had to climb out of the back door since both front doors wouldn't open. The people who ran out of their homes to see if I was all right said there are frequent crashes into that pole. The tow truck driver from "Toot-n-Tell'em" confirmed this by saying he has two cars in his lot now that recently lost the fight with that telephone pole.

My knee still hurts from hitting the dash, and I was very sore, but that's all the damage I suffered. Thanks Lord! But my car is totalled. I will miss it. Any one have a car for sale?

Nancy Quote

2008-01-17T19:12:00.000-08:00

"There's nothing in the Bible that says you can't say shit."

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Christian Buzzwords

2008-01-05T14:45:00.000-08:00

I found this article in the fall 2007 issue of Leadership.
Jump in our office pool. Which buzzword will be the first so overused that it's meaningless?
- Missional
- Formation
- Community
- Journey
- Resonate
- Emerging
- Authentic
- Narrative
- Metanarrative
- Story (your, mine, our)
- Visioning
- Revisioning
- Vision Casting
- Christ-follower
How do you know a buzzword is past it's prime?
- When your denomination creates a division promoting it.
- When Chuck Colson writes an article condemning it.
- When your mother gives you a magazine titled that word plus "Today."
- When your board adds it to your job description.
- When Baptist press uses it in a headline.
- When it gets its own website at ChristianityToday.com

My favorite youtube video

2007-12-21T18:01:00.000-08:00

Road Trip

2007-12-21T17:50:00.003-08:00

Michele and I drove to Grabill, In to see my cousin Barry, his wife Denise, and their three children Josiah, Bethany, and Jodty. We babysat them and we had so much fun. They are so sweet.

Family

2007-12-21T17:25:00.000-08:00

We are having a blast! Yesterday I went out to lunch with my dad, Caitlin, Ben and Michele to Hacienda. Last night we saw the movies I am Legend and Sweeny Todd. Today Nancy and I got in more shopping. Next we want to see National Treasure 2. I was worried that Ben and Jimmy would not spend enough time playing video games, but it turns out I did'nt need to worry.

Puppies

2007-12-21T17:19:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you just have to bury your face in warm puppies.

Samson

2007-12-17T11:19:00.000-08:00

Michele is here! Ben will be here in a couple days. He had a music video to shoot. We love Michele's puppy. At first Boo was'nt too pleased, but now they are best friends.

Ben and Michele Are Coming To Town

2007-12-09T17:51:00.000-08:00

In less than a week they will be here. We are so excited. I can't wait to see them. I hope we have snow. We always have the best time when they are here. It really makes for a special Christmas when all 6 of us are together. Michele is bringing her new puppy Samson on the plane. We are all curious to see how he and Boo get along.
In many ways 2007 has been a rough year. We are all ready for a new one.

NANCY QUOTES

2007-12-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

"Honey, I love you for who you are, but Come On!"

"People act like they're so smart on things, but it's really just things ya don't need ta know."

2007-12-08T05:24:00.000-08:00

I got up early today. I'm sitting in my chair with a shimmering Christmas tree to my left and a glowing fire to my right, each giving off it's own warmth. It's midnight-dark outside. So peaceful the sun decides to let everyone sleep in. A grateful earth sighs and pulls it's soft white blanket closer. A sleeping dog makes contented sounds as she soaks up the heat from the fire.
Life is so unfair!
It's not fair that I should have so much. I am overcome with thankfulness. I think about my sleeping family and fall in love with each one of them again. When we are thankful, the One we thank shows up to say, "You're welcome."
He directs my attention to the words of an ancient song. "Give thanks to the Lord, His love endures forever...In my anguish I cried to the Lord and he answered by setting me free." wow. That's just the answer I was looking for. To be set free.
"The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me? The Lord is with me...He is my strength and my song, He has become my salvation. The stone the builders rejected has become the capstone; The Lord has done this and it is marvelous in our eyes. This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it. You are my God and I will exalt you. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good, his love endures forever." (From Psalm 118)
The sun can't sleep in any longer and awakens a bird, who wakes up my dog, who wakes up my family. And my heart awakes. I want to stay thankful today, so that the One I thank will stay close, directing my attention to all I have to be thankful for.

MURDER MYSTERY

2007-12-01T08:28:00.000-08:00

We'll call the photo Exhibit A. It's a picture of me and my Grandma Clara Klopfenstein circa 1969. I’d like to draw your attention to the goldfish bowl on the right. If you could see inside of the murky water you would see two very frightened goldfish. We'll get to the fish in a minute. What's up with that water? Wasn't it ever changed? More importantly, which one of my siblings wasn't doing their chore and is it too late to tell on them and get them in trouble?
The fish certainly preferred the dirty water where they could hide from me. As a five year old I loved to play with the fish. I would catch them one at a time and carry them to the play room. I'd shut the door because I'd gotten in trouble for this before. I placed them on the floor and they would jump so high! They were the happiest fish.
I never understood why this was wrong because the fish obviously loved it. They were so excited. I laughed with every wiggle. A boy and his fish. I invented a game similar to Jacks. I'd see how many green army men I could scoop up and still catch the fish.
It wasn't that the goldfish were just happy to be free of the dirty water, they were excited to spend time with me. We would play until one of two things happened. Either my Mom would yell, "Tommy, you better not have the fish in the play room again!" or exhausted from all the fun, the fish would go to sleep. I would quietly carry them back to their bowl to tuck them in, where they would float peacefully upon the opaque water.
They would sleep all day.
Later I would learn of their deaths.
It was always a most unexpected blow and I would go through each of the Elizabeth Kubler Ross stages of grief. They can't be dead, I just saw them! Whenever I was informed of the death of a goldfish, even as a five year old, I sensed something in the tone of Moms voice. Was that accusation I detected?
As if I were somehow responsible for the murders? How unthinkable. I was the usual suspect. Blame the child. How very convenient. I'm the victim here. No one grieved more than me. I never once saw anyone else in the family shed so much as a tear for these most tragic losses.
My alibis were easily dismissed seeing as how I possessed no concept of time. I tried to help in the investigation by offering my theories. We could rule out Kathy, an avowed animal lover. Jim, being thirteen years old, would certainly have had motive. But I secretly suspected that the murderer was none other than... Mom!
Wasn't it Mom who had killed the garage rabbits with carbon monoxide poisoning? Wasn't it Mom who drowned the baby mouse with an eye dropper of milk?
For all we knew, Mom, if that was her real name, was responsible for that rash of dead hamsters in the neighborhood. Suddenly every pet death had to be reexamined. Every closed case had to be reopened. What really happened to Tiger? And what about Fred the alligator? Did he really die of starvation?
At this point I would like to digress and set the record straight on the naming of Fred. On my fifth birthday my dad brought home a little box from the pet store. There were pictures of birds on the sides so I was pretty sure I knew what my present was. I had my face close to the box and I screamed when I saw an alligator where a bird was supposed to be.
I named him after my favorite Uncle, Uncle Fred. There was actually a discussion about this choice. The consensus was that Uncle Fred might be offended. So based on this flimsy excuse Fred was rejected for a less controversial name.
It was my brother Jim who inexplicably came up with the unfortunate name King Sultan. Which happens to be the most stupid alligator name I've ever heard. And Jim, if you're reading this, I'm not afraid to say it to your face. As a namer of alligators, you stink.
I know for a fact that Uncle Fred would not have been offended at having an alligator named after him. He would have recognized it for the honor it was. It was my brothers name for him that stuck. Publicly anyway. Whenever I was alone with him, I defiantly called him Fred.
Fred was a member of our family for a little over one week. He wouldn't eat. We later learned that if you have an anorexic alligator you are supposed to push raw hamburger down his throat. Sticking my finger down the mouth of this creature would never have occurred to me.
We now return to our murder mystery.
We only got one more set of goldfish after the alligator died. Most of them were buried in the backyard with a little funeral ceremony. As the body count increased, the trauma decreased. I became desensitized and even came to expect that some pets just didn't live very long.
We stopped having sermons at the funerals. Then we stopped having funerals. The last two were just flushed down the toilet. Buried at sea. I lost interest in solving the mystery and besides, exhuming buried pets in the backyard pet cemetery would prove to be a never ending task based on the sheer number of bodies.
When I was about eight years old I came to accept my complicity in the demise of so many goldfish. It wasn't until a few years after we abruptly stopped buying them that I learned about the true life-span of the domesticated goldfish.
I was talking to a friend who showed me the two his parents had just bought him. I mentioned how annoying it will be to have to buy new ones every few days. He looked puzzled. I explained to the novice that goldfish only live a few days, maybe a week if you're lucky. He said that he had them before and they would always live for many months.
Clearly he didn't know what he was talking about. As we continued to compare notes, two differences in our goldfish experiences became obvious. One, he never took them out to play with. Not even once. He'd never even heard of games like Goldfish Jacks. And Two, the water in his fish bowl was disturbingly clear. You could actually see them swimming around. They were so much fun to watch, to enjoy them you wouldn't need to take them...out...of...the...
My brain slowly began to wrap itself around the realization that I...I was the fish murderer. I'm sure the room didn't really spin, but that's my memory of the next few moments. I saw hundreds of dead goldfish gasping for air and pointing their fins at me accusingly.
I ran home and confessed everything to Mom. She said it was OK and that she understood how badly I felt because she too had accidentally killed some of our pets. In fact, she had caused the untimely deaths of dozens of our animal friends through the years. I was right about the mouse and the garage rabbits! She was cleared of the alligator charge.
She talked to me about why we felt so badly. It's because life is precious. Very precious. Having childhood pets taught us about life, death, compassion, and responsibility. We learned to respect, nurture, and protect life. Especially life that is smaller and weaker than we are. For many of us, pets introduced us to the concept of where babies come from. We found out that holding a kitten made everything OK and that nothing made us giggle harder than the kisses of a puppy. We learned that dogs could be trusted with secrets.
As I got older I was trusted with less disposable pets such as cats and dogs. Well, dogs anyway. I learned that dogs have to be fed everyday and cats hate to be picked up by their ears. Taking care of pets is good training for being a parent. Just watch a little girl sing to her kitten as she rocks her to sleep. She's loving on a baby from a future mothers heart.
And in case you're wondering, I almost never picked up my children by their ears.

Nancy's Dad

2007-10-02T20:30:00.000-07:00

Nancy's dad had a heart attack on Saturday. Nancy took him to the ER. He is stable, but still in the hospital. He is 79. One half of his heart was 100% blocked and the other half was 60% blocked. Please pray for him. We all love him very much.

Aching for Heaven

2007-10-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

Some of the most loving people I have ever known are pictured here. My Great Aunt Amanda Meyer, Aunt Alice Hohulin, my mom, Great Aunt Sarah Meyer, Great Uncle Roy Meyer, and Uncle Fred Hohulin. Aunt Alice is the only one still with us. I want to be sitting in that empty chair next to Uncle Fred, just soaking in the love from these wonderful people. Sometimes I just ache for Heaven.

I'm a free man

2007-09-25T08:31:00.000-07:00

I went to court this morning. I was the first one there, but apparently that doesn't mean anything, because they take the people with lawyers first. A prosecutor asked me what happened, I explained and she dismissed it just like that! Thank You Lord!! I'm a free man.

Here Come the Judge

2007-09-24T19:13:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning I go to court to try to beat my latest ticket. The charge is "Unsafe lane movement." When I changed lanes I crossed the 2 white lines that indicate the bike lane. Every one who parks on that street must cross those lines. That is my defense. It's a pretty big deal because I don't need any more points. I am trying to not worry about it. I am not going back to prison.

Cool T.V. Shows

2007-09-23T18:23:00.000-07:00

Michele and I just finished watching The Office Season 3. Favorite show. We laughed so hard. Laughter is very important, and I try to do as much of it as I can everyday. Also loved Heroes Season 1. Very cool show. I liked all of the "easter eggs" - the little things that only a true geek/fanboy gets. Such as Kirby Plaza, named after the great Jack "King" Kirby co-creator of Captain America, Fantastic Four, Hulk, X-Men, etc. Loved the cameo by Stan Lee as the bus driver. Next I want to see Prison Break Season 2.

To My Blog Reader

2007-09-18T10:56:00.000-07:00

My cousin Dan Wallin told me that his sister Catherine reads my blog. That made me happy. I didn't think anyone read it. That gave me the resolve to blog more often. So, Catherine, thank you so much for your support.

Quote of the Day

2007-09-18T10:51:00.000-07:00

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"Friends are like butt cheeks. Crap may come between them, but they always come back together."

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Quote of the Day

2007-08-30T10:45:00.000-07:00

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"Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel it. Thanks for being the pee in my pants."

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Birthday Card

2007-08-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

Last year for Ben's birthday I made this card for him and mailed it. The front reads "Dear Ben, Happy 18th Birthday! Money always comes in handy and we know you are saving for a computer...

I found this dead mouse and glued it to the card. he said it was the best card he ever got.

Shutter Bugs

2007-08-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

Michele loves photography and she is really good at it. She took this butterfly picture near her school last year. Ben took this picture of the stairs to his old apartment. Michele wants to be a photographer and Ben wants to be a movie director someday.

Seen on a T-shirt

2007-08-25T09:52:00.000-07:00

Drink apple juice. O.J. kills.

Busted

2007-08-24T22:52:00.000-07:00

It was the mid 1970's. Time to go to Community Gospel Church to get pictures taken for the Church directory. After we got the directory I was looking through it and I noticed this picture of a little kid named Jeff. Jeff has quite the shocked look on his face. His parents must have been very proud. Tip of the day- When posing for the church photo make sure your hands are not down your pants.

It's Not My Job

2007-08-24T19:11:00.001-07:00

I took this picture about a 1/4 mile from our house. Ben noticed that the white line was painted right over the road kill. We laughed about it. Perhaps the driver didn't see it. More likely he didn't want to take the time to shovel it off the road.

Too often I just want to do the minimum. Ever heard yourself say this? "If I do more they'll expect it every time." "I don't get paid to do that." "No one will notice if I do it or not." "It's not my job."

As believers we are called to be maximum, rather than minimum, thinkers. Minimum thinking asks, "What's the least I have to do to get through this?" Maximum thinking asks, "What's the most I can do to make a difference?"

I must remember that ultimately, my boss is the Lord. I am to do everything unto the Lord as an act of worship. Everything? Doing paper work? Cleaning the toilet? Answering phones? Sitting in meetings? Yes, yes, yes, and yes. The part of our jobs we hate the most, we can do for God's glory. Praising and thanking Him as we do our best for the Master.

Excuse me, I think I see some "road kill" in my life that needs shoveling.

My friend Terry

2007-08-21T18:28:00.000-07:00

My friend Terry is a great guy. I love him because he has an enormous heart, he loves Jesus, he prays for me, he gets my warped sense of humor, he paid for my breakfast on Sunday (yes, I can be bought), he has an infectious, hearty laugh. I like being Terry's friend because he has guns. When it all goes down, when there is rioting in the streets, when we are invaded by another country or aliens from outer space, I'm going over to Terry's house. Terry even carries a gun in his Bible. I'm serious. Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition indeed. He is a Harley riding gifted musician who can fix anything and will give you the shirt off his back. Everyone should have a friend like Terry, but they can't, because there is only one Terry.

Lindsay Lohan

2007-08-21T18:25:00.000-07:00

Several times a day I ask myself, "What would Lindsay do in a situation like this?"

Comic Book Convention

2007-08-14T13:06:00.000-07:00

Ben and I went to the big comic book convention in Chicago. We met lots of interesting people. We made a short film of our day. Check it out.

Guest Post

2007-08-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

Hey! This is Michele. I am writing the guest post today for my dad. As i write this, Boo is sucking the face off of him. Its cute, in a disturbing kind of way.
Im so excited to be here! weve been having so much fun. We only have one more week before Ben and i have to go back home, so i know were going to try and pack in as much fun as we can. Weve pretty much seen every movie invented so far since weve been here. Were having a great time.

Tomorrow should be fun. When i say fun, i mean Not fun. I will be all by myself. Why? Because Dad and Ben are going to a comic book show. These "shows" are basically a large gathering of nerds who parade around in strange and nerdy costumes, showing off for fellow nerds. I shall not be attending. But best of luck to Dad and Ben on this..adventure. : )

Camping

2007-08-04T16:53:00.000-07:00

Takin it easy.

Ben lost both arms in a tragic stone skipping accident.

Ben is E.T.

Camp Krusty

2007-08-04T15:41:00.000-07:00

We had a great time on our camping trip. Two nights at the dunes. We swam, hiked, played Uno, skipped stones, sat around the camp fire, roasted marshmallows and hot dogs, and laughed a lot! We wished Jimmy could have come but he had to work. When we got to our site and we were unloading the truck, I pulled the tent out causing Michele to lose her balance and step on the brownies.

A Camping We Will Go

2007-08-01T06:56:00.000-07:00

We are going camping at the dunes! Boo can't come. She gets to spend two fun filled nights at Kryders Critter Hotel, where she will enjoy group play time. Not going camping with us is for her protection. This way we wont kill her for keeping us up all night or any other trouble she would no doubt get into.

We are having the best time with Ben and Michele here. Ben just turned 19 and Michele is 17. It's hard to remember their ages because its always changing so quickly. So far we watched the entire first season of 24. We got to spend time with Jim and Kathy and their boys Aaron, Micah, Weston, and Samuel. We saw the Simpsons movie. We went to the park and fed the ducks. Mostly we just talk and make each other crack up. I'll post pictures of camping in a few days.

Jimmy's 21st Birthday Party

2007-07-31T19:27:00.000-07:00

We had a great birthday party for Jimmy today at Chuck E. Cheese!

Happy Birthday Jimmy!

2007-07-31T19:18:00.001-07:00

Guest Post

2007-07-31T08:57:00.000-07:00

Hey, this is Ben and I'm writing this weeks guest post on my dad's blog.
Michele and I are here from Florida for a few weeks. I smuggled my hamster Rupert on the plane. We went undetected, but he peed in my pocket as we went through security. Boo tries daily to eat him. Last night we went to Walmart at midnight to buy 300, the most amazing movie ever! We're having a great time.

Mega Church

2007-07-28T15:16:00.000-07:00

The way church was meant to be.

T-Shirts

2007-07-27T05:57:00.000-07:00

Here are some phrases seen on t-shirts.

I don't know how to put this, but...I'm kind of a big deal.

If you can read this, I've lost my invisibility cloak.

Careful, or you'll end up in my novel.

Crap. Crap I say.

Come to the dark side...we have cookies!

I almost nunchucked you. You don't even realize.

If you talk at the movies, I hate you.

I'm happier than a tornado in a trailer park.

Life is tough. but it's tougher when you're stupid.

Regrettably, all the good paying jobs start before I get up.

Don't make me go all Ninja on you.

Gaps 2

2007-07-09T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a reluctant look at the gaps in my life. A gap is the distance between what is and what ought to be. One such gap is the amount of time between the latest crisis/problem/really bad thing and the point at which I finally realize that God can handle it. A big problem will arise and I very maturely freak out. I have yet to meet a mole hill in which I didn't see mountain potential.

Wouldn't it be cool if my first response to a problem was, "Lord, You know this is bigger than me. But it's not bigger than You. You've brought me through much worse situations. You were not surprised by this. You allowed it for a reason. I get a front row seat to see You do another miracle! In my weakness You are strong. I can do all things through You who strengthens me."

Wouldn't that be cool? I'm not there. But I see another gap to narrow.

Gaps

2007-07-03T09:48:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been thinking about the gaps in my life. One gap is the space between what I know and what I live. We can spend our lives learning about God and His Word. And we are right to do so. But knowledge can puff us up with pride. There are many people who know far more about the Bible than I will ever know. Some of them do not know God. God is not impressed with what we know. In fact, I think we will be held accountable for the distance between what we know and what we live.

The answer is not to learn less, but to close the gap by living what we know. We can do this by experiencing the presence of God every day. We get to know someone best by spending time with them. We can also close the gap by practicing what we know He wants us to do. Serve others, be holy, treat others as being more important than ourselves, love justice, walk humbly before the Lord, feed the hungry, be Jesus to others, seek His will, walk in the Light, turn the other cheek, love our enemies, give joyfully, stop judging people, forgive freely, love outrageously, and share the Good News of Jesus unashamedly. Feel free to add to this list.

To know good and not to do it is sin. Lord, help me to walk my talk, to stop being a hypocrite, and to practice what I preach. Today, with Your help, I will narrow the gap.

Baby Monkey

2007-06-26T17:42:00.000-07:00

...... .................................... His mother thinks he is beautiful

...................................................I'm ready for my close-up.

New Hat

2007-06-24T20:26:00.001-07:00

My friend Don Wolfram gave me this wonderful gift today and I wore it proudly. He must think he knows me. Thanks Don, you made my day.

Ministry Opportunity

2007-06-24T20:06:00.000-07:00

I went to a meeting at church today about the hospital visitation ministry. I am really excited to be on this team. There is something humbling and sacred about praying with people in crisis. The hospital room becomes holy ground. Just sitting quietly and being present can have a profound impact. In the Bible Jobs friends sat with him for days without saying a word, just being with him. There have been people who just sat with me when I was in crisis and it was so comforting. The friends of Job stopped being helpful as soon as they started talking. I want God to use me to help bring His love, healing and presence to hurting people.

Graduation Day

2007-06-24T18:14:00.001-07:00

Boo graduated from her dog training class on Saturday.

......You are invited to the open house. We are registered at Petsmart. (Just kidding)

These photos are the only proof we have that she has been trained. Jimmy said he thought she should be held back. She was definitely the class clown. She peed in class, slipped off her collar and ran around the store, and got in a fight with a huge dog. She will not be bullied. For 8 weeks we learned a lot about our trainers dogs C.C. and Baby. Can you guess what C.C. stands for? Cute and Cuddly. Seriously. He admitted that sometimes he eats their dog food. uh, wow. Boo seemed to love her class as there was a plethora of dog butts to sniff.

Quote Of The Day

2007-06-05T20:25:00.000-07:00

"Expecting life to treat you well because you are a good person is like expecting a bull not to charge you because you are a vegetarian." -Sharri Barr

Dear Michele

2007-06-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

Last year Ben had to read the book The Life of Pi for school. I helped him write his paper and even though he didn't mention it, I could tell he was grateful. To be fair, I thought I would help you by writing the paper for you, so when you get this assignment you can just put your name on it and hand it in.

The Life of Pi; A Book I Read

By (put your name here)

Spoiler Warning! This report gives away major plot elements, such as what was in the boat with the boy.

I really liked this book because it was about a boy in a boat with a tiger. Of all the books I have read about boys in boats with tigers, this one is my favorite. I have long been a big fan of the whole boy in a boat with a tiger genre.

The boys name was Pi, and it looked like his life would be pretty short, what with there being a tiger in the boat with him and all.

Who is the boy? Why is he in a boat with a tiger? What will happen? I will leave such questions for my fellow classmates to answer in their reports while I delve into the deeper, less obvious themes of the book.

The book is rich with symbolism, which is a literary device whereby one thing symbolizes something else. Take for example the tiger. The tiger represents big, deadly, cat-like animals. Some people think that the tiger symbolizes the uncertainty of life and the uneasy alliance we must forge with death. But that's just stupid.

Mr. (or Mrs.) (teachers name here), I would now like to treat you to a dialogue which I have taken the creative license to imagine between Pi and the tiger. "Hi tiger," said Pi. "Hi Pi," said the tiger. "Nice boat, huh?" queried Pi. "Oh, it's just great," stated the tiger sarcastically. Tigers tend to be a sarcastic lot as any reader of Calvin and Hobbes would know.

Recent studies have shown that people love stories about tigers, and stories about boats are good too. So put a tiger in a boat and Baby, you've struck literary gold!

All good stories have a crisis. In this story the crisis is that there is a tiger in the boat with the boy. If that doesn't shout crisis, I don't know what does. Any time you are writing a story and you need a crisis, just put the main character in a boat with a tiger and BAM! Instant crisis.

Remember that movie A Perfect Storm, when the giant tidal wave is about to destroy the boat? Now just imagine that same scene only this time with a tiger in the boat! I think you get my point.

In summary, this book had a profound effect on me and changed my life. If I ever see a boat with a tiger in it there's no way I'm getting in that boat.

Michele, just sit back an collect your A+. You're welcome. Love, Dad

The More Things Change

2007-06-05T19:00:00.000-07:00

I found my report card from third grade. Mrs. Campbell, my teacher at Emmons made the following comments about me. " Tom is well liked by the others. He accepts and demonstrates responsibility. He is able to work independently. Tom still has difficulty with proper letter formation and with producing a neatly-done paper." I still have those problems!

"The quality of his work is high in Reading, Spelling, and English." I am awful at speling.

"He knows and uses addition and multiplication facts. He is able to tell time." Have I been regressing since third grade?! I was at the height of my math abilities at age nine.

"Outstanding interest shown in class. Fine work when he has the time." When I have the time? What, did I have a job or something? "Sorry Mrs. Campbell, but between nap time, watching Scooby-Doo, and working in the foundry I was just too busy to color my picture."

I guess I've been busy my whole life.

We are the same people we were at age nine.

The more things change...

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One Wedding and a Funeral

2007-05-26T18:10:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Nancy and I drove to Akron, Ohio for my nephews wedding. Scott and Carols oldest son, Joel Boerckel married Monica Amaretti. It was a really neat wedding. Scott did a great job officiating. Joel's brother Mark was the best man. There were many touching moments.

The reception was a blast. I have not laughed so hard in a long time. Monica's family pretty much dominated the dance floor, as our side is not known for busting moves. We don't dance, but we sure can eat.

We had to get up at 4:00 today to get back in time to attend Nick Perri's funeral. I've been counseling Nick off and on for over 5 years. His death by drug overdose came as a shock. He was only 21 years old. He and Jimmy used to play on the same little league team. Nancy even babysat him a few times. Nick went to our church.

I was asked to give part of the eulogy. Here is a little of what I said.

"I had the privilege of knowing Nick Perri. We prayed together. We laughed and cried together. He trusted me enough to open his heart and share his pain. And Nick had a lot of pain. But Nick was so much more than his problems. We are here to celebrate his life and to help each other heal. But we are not here to say goodbye. We are here to say, " We'll see ya later Nick." You see, Nick is more alive right now than he's ever been. The Bible says, "To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." Nick is with Jesus right now. He is experiencing a new life of joy and freedom. I don't feel sorry for Nick. I feel a little envious of him."

Joel and Monica began a new life. It was a celebration of each finding their true love and becoming one. It brought an end to their previous lives of searching. Monica, the bride, walked forward to be with Joel, the bridegroom, forsaking all others.

Nick began a new life. It was a celebration of him finding his True Love and becoming one with Christ. It brought an end to his previous life of searching. Nick, the bride of Christ, walked forward to be with Jesus, the bridegroom, forsaking all others.

One wedding and a funeral. We shed tears at each.

God Sighting

2007-05-19T20:28:00.000-07:00

Today I took my car in to be fixed. Then I started to walk to the gym. This would have been a really long walk. Mark Waltz was driving by and he stopped to say hello. He was on his way to visit a boy in the hospital. I jumped into his car and ended up going with him.

We visited Jeremy, a 16 year old who is in a coma from a car accident last night. His face was swollen and purple. He has a severe brain injury. We hugged his parents, prayed with them, and cried. The 4 of us stood next to his bed in a tight circle with our arms around each other.

His dad said a one sentence prayer, "Lord, don't let my son die."

I thought about my own kids, and the overwhelming shock and fear these parents are experiencing. There are no words. I felt ... privileged to be there.

I was plucked off the street and brought to this boys bedside. I got to minister with one of my favorite people on the planet. It was a God sighting. Plain and simple. And it felt really right.

I think God wants me to get involved in the prayer ministry, or the hospital visitation team at church. There is no such thing as a coincidence. I've been thinking about it all day. I've been thinking about Jeremy all day.

Crisis!

2007-05-18T07:06:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I accidentally left the screen door open when I let Boo out. I found this out when later in the day I got a frantic call from Nancy. She said, "There is a bird flying around in our house." Actually she said, "THERE IS A BIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Immediately, I began to think of someone else to blame. I mean, a solution.

I pictured the bird pooping all over the house, Boo knocking over lamps to get it, and then catching it and leaving bird guts all over the carpet.

Boo was having a nervous breakdown, running wildly after and from the bird. Jimmy said, and I quote, "It scared the shit out of me!" Great. Another mess to clean up.

Caitlin and her friend Lauren saved the day. They got a ladder and Lauren, ninja-like, caught the bird with her bare hands. She let it go with a harrowing story to tell the other birds.

Let's review. I cause the problem. Jimmy gets scared and poops his pants. The women solve the problem. That's how it usually goes.

Dinner with the Mayor

2007-05-18T06:22:00.000-07:00

Tuesday night I got to have dinner with the mayor of Mishawaka Jeff Rea. Well, actually Nancy got to have dinner with the mayor and I got to tag along. Nancy is the treasurer for the Commission for Women.

We met at Pasqualli Rulli's for great Italian food. The mayor came in and sat right next to me. I am proud to announce that as far as I know I did not embarrass myself, the mayor, the fine city of Mishawaka, or most importantly Nancy.

Jeff, as those of us who are in the loop call him, is a really nice guy. But more than that he is a real guy. He was just himself, which I found refreshing, and rare in a politician. He suggested I not call him a politician, but rather an elected official. Turns out the word politician is politically incorrect.

On the wall, just above the Mayors head was a large photo of the murderer Al Capone. I suggested to him that I take his picture with the gansta looking proudly upon his protege
the Mayor.

Jeff gave a nervous laugh. I think the reason he asked to be seated somewhere else was so he could talk to other people.

It was a great night. Now that I'm in with His Honor, I'm pretty much the go to guy if you need a ticket fixed, someone to disappear or a kickback. Call me.

Paris Hilton

2007-05-18T06:20:00.000-07:00

I just can't get enough news about Paris Hilton.

Mothers Day

2007-05-16T23:01:00.000-07:00

Another Mothers Day has come and gone. Kind of a rough day for me. I wasn't depressed, just sad. Mom died six years ago. Hard to believe. I miss her so much. She taught me the two most important things in life, how to love God and how to love people. I am so glad I got to have her for a mom.

It was a tough Mothers Day for Nancy too. Her mom is still living, but not really. If you know some one with Alzheimers you know what I mean.

We have great memories of our moms, and we live on these. We cherish our time with them. They gave us life and then showed us how to live. They loved away a world of pain. They believed in us when no one else did, even when we didn't.

Thanks Mom. I love you.

Jerry Falwell

2007-05-16T22:46:00.000-07:00

Jerry Falwell has gone home to be with the Lord. He said some things I disagree with. He could be obnoxious. Many times I wished he would keep his mouth shut, because some of his outlandish comments gave his enemies ammunition, and as a Christian leader he didn't always represent Christ. Wait a minute. That last sentence describes me perfectly.

Jerry Falwell did a lot of good. He gave a lot of money to poor people. He paid for the education of many who could not afford it. He started a home for unwed mothers. He unapologetically preached what the Bible says.

So many people are thrilled he is dead. The guy who wrote the book "God is not Great" was on Hannity and Colmes tonight spewing hatred. The people who are accusing Falwell of hate, are being so hateful. Kind of hypocritical, dontcha think?

The Radish

2007-05-09T22:24:00.000-07:00

Nancy and I went to Meijer for groceries. I found this radish and showed it to her. As we were loading the groceries into the car, I knew I just had to go back and buy it. As I placed it on the conveyor I thought the cashier was very professional, because she did not say a word.

I put it in a covered dish and brought it to Nancy's family Thanksgiving dinner where it was a big hit. Next, we were to make our appearance at my family Thanksgiving dinner. So I put it back in the covered dish.

Nancy encouraged me to think twice about this, and not bring it in. Nancy is very wise and I would do better to listen to her more often. Right after the prayer I presented it to my family with all the pride of a new father showing off the baby.

I was met with stunned silence. Not even the teenage boys laughed. They just stared with eyes wide, wondering if Uncle Tom was going to Hell. I think I heard a cricket. The eternal silence was broken by Scott who asked me, "What is our response to be?"

I was thinking that when faced with such a wonder of nature that hilarious laughter would be appropriate. Not so. Ben later remarked that he had never witnessed so awkward a moment. In the annuls of family history it has become known as the Silent Thanksgiving.

I didn't make the radish. God did. I just showed it to everyone who came to our house and made inappropriate jokes about it.

Ben and I put it on ebay. I figured if people would buy a grilled cheese sandwich with the Virgin Mary on it for thousands of dollars, then I ought to be able to make a fortune with a well-endowed radish. But it was not to be. Ebay removed it.

Ben and I mailed it back and forth to each other for months. Long after it rotted and was just a flaccid shadow of its former self.

I'm no longer allowed to accompany Nancy to the grocery store.

Alcohol and other drugs

2007-05-09T21:53:00.000-07:00

Alcohol and other drugs can numb the pain of life temporarily, but can also numb the joy of life permanently.

Alcohol and other drugs take you farther than you want to go and leave you there longer than you want to stay.

Alcohol and other drugs keep you from being a participant in your own life.

Alcohol and other drugs turn you into someone you don't want to be, who does things you never thought you'd do.

Alcohol and other drugs convince you that you don't have a problem, and everyone else does.

Alcohol and other drugs create chains that are so light you can't feel them, until they are so strong you can't break them.

The Return of the Word of the Week!

2007-05-09T21:42:00.000-07:00

The word for the week is simply a look at words that I like. They are fun to say. I would like to see them used more in our world. So get right on that, people.

This week's word is...OODLES. It means a great or large quantity. This is a special word to me because my mom used to say it. "There were just oodles of birds in our yard today!"

I invite you to make up your own definition of the word and use it in a sentence.

Father God

2007-05-09T20:51:00.000-07:00

Maker and Master of the universe and all that is in it. You blow my mind. You are all powerful, not just really powerful. You have all the power there could ever be without limit.

You are just and holy. A God who hates sin. We would be wrong to only speak of Your love, without also pondering Your fury. Forgive me for trying to make You into a god that is tame. Since I can't wrap my brain around You, or reconcile all of Your characteristics, I found it easier to just ignore those parts of You that made me feel uncomfortable.

At that point I created an idol, and quit worshipping You.

Why would I expect that I, a created and finite being, could ever have You all figured out. Lord, help me to accept the mystery of You. When You don't make sense to me, the problem is not with You.

You are the same yesterday, today and forever. You are the same God, Old and New Testament. You are not a pot luck buffet where I pick and choose what I want.

I accept You as You are, just as You accept me as I am.

In the just and holy name of Jesus, So be it.

Took a break

2007-05-08T08:23:00.000-07:00

............................. Samuel........... Ben............. Micah........... Weston

I took a break from blogging. A lot has been going on. Recently Ben came to visit for about ten days. We had a great time. We got to spend a day with Jim and Kathy and their boys. Ben enjoyed being with his cousins.

Dear Lord

2007-05-08T07:45:00.000-07:00

You are my Master, Lord and Savior. My Father and Friend. I'd be a fool to go through one more day without You. I long to know You. I want to walk with You in ever deeper levels of intimacy. I want to know Your Heart.

Lord, may I fall in love with You anew this day. Let me be aware all day long that I am in Your Presence. When I spend time with You I cannot remain unchanged.

You are working in me, disciplining, refining, healing. And I so need it.

Thank You, that even when I forget You today, even while sinning, You will be loving me just as much then as You are right now while I pray these words to You.

That is love! When faced with such love, my response can only be love, worship and... joy.

In Jesus Name I pray, So be it.

Dawning

2007-04-13T10:53:00.000-07:00

When you get to reality
And this phantom life is o'er
When you leave this hurtful world
And step on the other shore

Oh how the angels greet you
And look on you with awe
You thought you hurt alone
But angels heard, they saw

A heroes welcome
Let the trumpets blast
The overcoming warrior
Has come home at last

Still bleeding from the wounds
Which Satan cut so deep
Tears of pain God wipes away
Tears of joy are all you weep

Ushered into the Presence
Your scars like medals shine
He knows you by those scars and says
They look so much like Mine

His face lights up
His smile so true
His eyes speak love
When He looks at you

He leaps from His Throne
He calls your name
So delighted is He
That at last you came

You'll see the face of God
Your eyes won't have to dim
The resemblance is uncanny
You look so much like Him

I wrote this poem for my friend Dawn Sease 13 years ago when she was going through a rough time.

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

Hi. My name is Tom Klopfenstein. I'm not just the president of the Chest Hair Toupee Club For Men, I'm a customer!

Last year I was talking to this guy who had a really bad toupee. I found it hard to look him in the eye. I became convinced that I could make a better toupee.

I cut off all of my chest hair and saved it in a bag. Then I concentrated on growing more. As I harvested the hair I utilized the farming technique of crop rotation. (This is not a joke. I really did this.)

Are you bald? Do you know someone who is? Do you know someone who would benefit from having my chest hair on his head?

I think that once you see our many styles you will join our millions of happy customers in saying, "Make mine out of Chest Hair!"

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T20:18:00.000-07:00

It took me months to harvest enough chest hair to make my toupees. I didn't tell Nancy about the project, because I was afraid she wouldn't get it.

The beginning of every dream has a fragile stage that needs nurture, not questions about the sanity of the dreamer.

So I hid the ever growing bag of chest hair in my sock drawer.

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T20:14:00.000-07:00

We call this retro style The Pompadour.

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T20:09:00.000-07:00

We call this the Glamor Shot. I can't tell you how many times I've been stopped on the street when I'm wearing this one and asked if I am a model.

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T20:08:00.000-07:00

I feel pretty

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T20:04:00.000-07:00

You talkin ta me?

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T19:48:00.000-07:00

We get lot's of letters and emails from the hip youngsters who say, " Tom, we totally Love your products! But do you have anything edgy for our punk, grunge, goth, emo, hip hop generation?"

Yes we do! The beauty of the Chest Hair Toupee is that it never goes out of style! I personally recommend The Chest Hair Mohawk.

Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T19:40:00.000-07:00

It looks real, because it is real. Note the enhanced eyebrows for that powerful manly look. Also comes in Unibrow.

The Chest Hair Toupee

2007-04-08T19:19:00.000-07:00

This is one of our most popular toupees. It's great for when you visit big cities. No one has ever been mugged while wearing this style. It says "Stay away. I'm not right. You don't want any of this!"

Happy Easter

2007-04-08T19:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter ! This morning my good friend Terry came over and we had a great talk and prayer time together. We had much to thank God for. Nancy and Caitlin and I went to The 11:45 service at church, Granger Community Church. It was awesome! We love our church.

Then we went to Carol and Kevins for an amazing meal. Thanks so much you guys!
From there we went to visit Nancy's mom in the nursing home. She didn't talk, but she smiled at us. We came home, I read, wrote, watched some TV, played with the pooch, and now I'm giving myself early bed. Goodnight.

My Day

2007-04-07T17:55:00.000-07:00

Today I met my good friend Dean at Tradewinds, my favorite place to eat breakfast. We had a great talk and then we sat in my car and prayed after we ate. He paid for my meal. Thanks Dean! It was snowing like crazy. I bet we had 2-3 inches. I can't believe this. I kind of like it though. As I drove home I was listening to the book on tape, Night Probe by Clive Cussler. I was in our driveway and I thought I'd finish the chapter. So I turned off the car and sat there listening with my eyes closed. You guessed it, I fell asleep. Nancy came home and found me and thought I'd had a heart attack. She knocked on the window and I woke up. I'd been sleeping for over an hour!

Nancy and I played our favorite computer game, Text Twist. If they ever make this an Olympic event we would win a gold medal. Yes, we are that good.

Our water heater died today. Nancy discovered water in the basement. I called my friend Doug, because Doug can fix anything. He is such a generous person. He came right over and began to tell me how to fix it. He's so funny. My eyes glazed over. He said something about sawing through 2 pipes, and using a torch to solder...something. At some point I was to turn off the gas. I seem to remember something about tools being involved.

Usually at this point I would act like it was all coming back to me, thank him as he left, then go call a plumber. Doug has known me for a long time. He has to know how incompetent I am when it comes to plumbing, engines, home repairs, car maintenance, math, operating a hammer, finding my way home, personal hygiene, etc. I'll stop before I embarrass myself. So I think he was just messing with me.

We went to Lowes where we selected a lovely water heater for $322.94. Nancy and I had been hoping for an unexpected expense so we could get rid of some of the cash that had been piling up around the house.

Doug let me help him. It was my job to hold the bucket under the pipe that let the water out of the old water heater. I could tell that he was impressed by how little water I spilled, and how minor my burns were. I know I was.

He reminded me that Nancy and I were taking Caitlin out to eat and I should probably go get ready. When I protested he explained that some jobs go more quickly without help.

We took Caitlin to Hana Yori's for her 19th birthday. We sat with Nancy's dad, her sister Carol, and Kevin, Ryan, Rory, and Aly. We had a great time. The onion volcano never gets old.

We came home and played the game where we try to figure out what the thing used to be that Boo chewed up and left all over the living room floor. Nancy guessed a shoe, but I thought it looked more like a squirrel carcass. Either way, I took it outside and buried it underneath the Easter snow.

Now I'm going out to the car to get some sleep.

Boo 1

2007-04-05T23:37:00.000-07:00

This is our puppy. Her name is Boo. We got her from Pet Refuge. We love her. Most of the time.

Boo 2

2007-04-05T23:36:00.000-07:00

Our Baby.

Boo 3

2007-04-05T23:34:00.000-07:00

This is Boo when she is possessed by Satan.

Grandpa

2007-04-05T21:21:00.000-07:00

Today I was thinking about how someday I will be a grandpa. (If you are reading this and your name is Jimmy, Caitlin, Ben, or Michele I better not become a grandpa anytime soon!) Someday I hope to be one of those eccentric type grandpa's. This is likely because 1. I am already an eccentric middle aged guy and 2. My grandpa Ezra Hohulin was pretty eccentric. At least he seemed that way to me. Most grandpa's seem a little odd to their grandkids. I mean here's an old guy who doesn't have a job, but always has candy.

One time, when I was about 11 years old Grandpa took me to KFC. But it wasn't called KFC back then. It was called Kentucky Fried Chicken. The word fried did not sound healthy, so they cleverly changed the name to KFC. Marketing people think we are stupid, and they are right.
So there we were getting fried chicken, before the name change made it healthy to do so.

As we entered the store grandpa announces to everyone, "This is my Grandson!" As if I were royalty and my presence suddenly made their chicken shopping experience something to tell their families about. "We were getting the chicken and who do you think walked in? A grandson!" People smiled in response.

I was special, because he made me special. The relationship between a grandparent and their grandchild can be magical. The grand relationship. There really isn't anything else like it. They are often the only people in our young lives who really listen and don't yell at us. We sense the vestiges of authority they have over our all powerful parents.

I remember being quite little and mystified when Grandpa's identity was revealed to me. He was my mom's dad. Parents had parents? So then, my parents were little once? Even as small children, our grandparents help us understand that life has stages. Our parents were once like us, someday our parents, and then we, would be like our grandparents. There was an order to things. I was an important link in this chain.

As grandpa and I stood in line, I saw a dollar on the floor. I picked it up and showed it to him. He was more excited than I was. Now he had more information to share with the customers and staff. Not only was I his grandson, I was his wealthy grandson. He made me re-enact how I swooped down and snatched the money out from underneath them all. Clearly I had all the makings of a financial genius.

It occurs to me just now as I write this over 30 years later, that Grandpa dropped that dollar so I would find it. Eccentric grandpa's specialize in that kind of thing.

Someday I will tell my grandchildren many stories of all of the stupid things their parents did when they were growing up. Thus undermining their authority, which is just one of the many services grandparents provide. I will spoil them rotten, indulge their every whim, get them all hopped up on candy, and send them home. I will have my sweet revenge on my kids for the hell I am now enduring, which we call raising teenagers.

Sam Levenson said, "The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy." My children's offspring will become my allies. The enemy of my enemy is my friend.

Someday I will have no job, lots of candy, and total acceptance and love for some children who will call me grandpa. I will take them into stores and proudly introduce them as if they were somebody. And they will be.

Dear Michele

2007-04-04T23:26:00.000-07:00

Sometimes when I am sitting quietly in my chair in the living room praying, I ask the Lord to open my eyes to the needs of people. I want God to use me. There are so many who could use my help. For we were blessed to be a blessing. As we serve others we become more like Jesus, the greatest servant of all. Then Nancy asks me to move my feet so she can vacuum. I reply, "Do I have to do everything around here? Would it kill you to lift my feet?" Jeez Louise, Nancy.
Love, Dad

Stretch

2007-04-04T22:58:00.000-07:00

I always like to stretch before I go jogging.

Dear Michele

2007-04-04T21:50:00.000-07:00

As you enter the dating world there are some things you need to know. Don’t worry this isn’t the sex talk. You’ll get that talk in a few years when you begin to get curious about boys. Right now at 17 you are in the paling stage. I’m talking about your name. Time was when a person’s good name was all they had. You don’t want to get a bad name.

As a female you have an advantage over us males because you get to change your name. This is helpful because it will throw off the people you owe money to. You get to choose your new name. When you choose the man who will someday become your ex-husband, be sure above all else, that he has a cool last name because this will be your name, for a while. You will no longer be Michele Klopfenstein.

I was glad to hear you are back talking to your little pal, Zach Peed. What a fine young man he is. Although it’s true I’ve never met him, I would love for you two kids to get married some day. It would make me so happy just to be able to say, "Michele Peed." Marrying for love is over rated. In some cultures they have arranged marriages where they don’t even know the person. You could be Michele Peed. A name that is a sentence. "Michele Peed!" "Where?" "Right over there on the carpet!"

Tell Zach I said hi.

Love, Dad

When Mullets Ruled The Earth

2007-04-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

Perhaps the reason I have no hair today is because I'm being punished for having had a mullet. I obviously abused the privilege of having hair.

Michele could not look any more cute if she tried.

Ben is sporting a toothless grin and a Moody Bible Institute t-shirt.

Back In The Day

2007-04-02T22:03:00.000-07:00

The little boy in the pink dress is me.
Check out the old black and white.
A rare photo of my brother Jim not hurting me.
Nice bow tie.

Shit Stinks But It's Warm

2007-04-02T20:04:00.000-07:00

As a therapist I think a lot about how to help people change their lives. I’m grateful to those who have helped me change and I know I have a long way to go. Change is hard. Last night I was buying a book with a pocketful of nickels, dimes and quarters. The book cost eight dollars, so as I counted it out I said, "Do you need change?" The cashier said, "Yes, but I have to really want to change." It’s an old joke, but the unexpectedness of it made me laugh.

My own resistance to change makes sense to me. But it’s always surprising to me when others resist my attempts to make changes in my life. The addicts I work with encounter this reaction frequently. The very people who have been hoping and harping for years that they stop doing drugs, are often disappointed by what sobriety looks like in their loved one. They are unsure of their new role. Some even attempt to sabotage the recovery they spent years praying for. They were not expecting that the addicts’ change would require huge changes in themselves.

Not everyone is convinced of his or her own need to change. Oh, they want change, but it’s other people they wish would change. They want their circumstances to change. They have become quite comfortable with themselves and can't accept how greatly they contribute to their own problems.

I don’t naturally embrace change. I resist it. Change is frightening, but inevitable. Positive changes that require minimal effort on my part are welcome changes. This is why the lottery is so popular. The chance that our whole lives could be forever changed in an instant for a dollar is hard to resist.

I’m often not even fully aware of the real changes I need to make until others point them out. I hate it when that happens. I get defensive and angry. Then I think about it. I think about how wrong they are. I rationalize and conclude they just don’t understand. But part of me knows their words hurt because they are true. I remind myself that it was love that motivated them to speak up in the first place and I should really be grateful to have friends who love me enough to risk pissing me off. Sometimes mature and right thinking can be so annoying.

Slowly, the truth sinks in and the fact is, deep down I already sensed I needed to change. I just thought I was doing a better job of hiding it from others.

There are those who want us to change for their benefit and those who want us to change for ours. When Nancy wants me to make a change it is for the benefit of our marriage. Which benefits us both. If your wife says you need to change then chances are really good that you need to change.

I can’t change another person. I am powerless to do so, and all attempts will only leave me frustrated. I’ve tried. It doesn’t work. I can’t change another no matter how hard I try. Raising the volume and frequency of my requests surprisingly doesn’t help either. No member of my family has ever said to me, "Oh, thank you. I didn’t see that you were right until you started yelling. The first one thousand times you said it, it didn’t make sense. Thanks for hanging in there and saying it one thousand and one times."

If something doesn’t work, stop doing it. If we put the energy we waste in trying to change another, into changing ourselves, we would find much of the happiness which eludes us.

I can’t change the past. As much as I wish I could, I can’t. So any time I spend wishing and regretting is wasted and it squanders energy that could be used to change my present. I can’t change the past.

I accept my past. The good and the bad. Acceptance is not to be confused with approval. For years this confusion kept me from forgiving others. I do not approve of the bad things that have happened to me, but I accept the reality that they happened. I accept my past.

I accept myself. The good and the bad. In doing so, I am not approving of the bad. I’m not making excuses for my character defects. I’m acknowledging and accepting the reality of them. I’m choosing to no longer live in denial of my faults and strengths. I’m asking God to shine a spotlight on my blind spots, so I can clearly see what needs work. False modesty is boring. There is so much good in each of us to be thankful to God for and to celebrate. Josh McDowell states that self-esteem is seeing myself as God sees me, nothing more, nothing less. I accept myself.

I accept others for who they are. When I stop trying to change people and just communicate how much I value them for who they are, a solid basis is created for relationship. My lack of agenda frees me from trying to manipulate them to change. They don’t have to be afraid to trust and get close. I’m way too busy trying to change me to be concerned with trying to change them. I accept others for who they are.

I know some wonderful people who accept me for who I am. It feels so good to spend time with them. They don’t try to change or shame me. We crack up laughing at the quirks of our personalities. After spending time with them I leave wanting to be more true to the way God made me. When we accept people for who they are, it does not make them want to remain as they are. It makes them want to change to be better.

How do others feel about themselves after having spent time with you?

We act consistent with our view of ourselves. And it is impossible to do otherwise. When I view myself as a loser, I follow a loser script and act like one. Who I am is not a failure even though I have failed at many things. I act in accordance with the part I have accepted, but it’s not the real me. The real me has infinite value. My worth is based on my position as a forgiven child of God. When I truly believe this I will act like it.

When we are truly ourselves it is magnificent and holy. As we grow we find our own voice. We begin to trust our own instincts. We value our own gifts and wounds. We accept the fact that we have something of value to offer others. We become more solid.

I love being around such people because I sense their honesty. Authenticity is obvious. They are not pulling from me to build themselves up or to fill in any gaps in their souls. They are not emotionally needy. They are comfortable in their own skin. Their holy acceptance of themselves overflows into acceptance of who others truly are.

I believe we are full of original sin, but that does not mean we are evil, just in need of a Savior. Who I am is not bad. Sometimes what I do is. So those are the things I will work on changing. But we are not to change who we are. We are to celebrate and revel in it. We are to express it and roll around in it in messy ways, like a child or a hog gleefully covers itself in mud with an expression that says, "Look at me!"

When other people call me weird, it says far more about them than it says about me. I embrace my weirdness. I reject the attempts of others to make me conform. When we express that which makes us unique, it is glorious. It is an act of worship. God took special care to make you just as you are. No one else has your combination of gifts, strengths and flaws. What an insult to our Creator it must be when we tear our selves down, or try to be someone else. It is not spiritual. Quite the opposite, it is sinful. Self-flagellation earns us no points with God. Comparing ourselves to others is pointless because we are each a one of a kind priceless masterpiece.

When we devalue our selves it takes our focus away from changing. We are not to change our essence. We need to be our selves. No one else can fill that position, and God would not have made you if you were not necessary. We seek to change some of our attitudes and behaviors, which is easier to do once we begin to accept our true selves.

I ask people to do things that are so difficult. In fact, these things are impossible if we try to do them in our own strength. We need God and His supernatural strength in order to really make change in our lives.

I work with a lot of people who do not really want to change. They say they do, but it becomes obvious that they really don’t. That’s when I tell them one of the deep truths of life.

Shit stinks, but it’s warm.

People will complain that they are in all of this shit. They moan and whine about the smell to any one who’ll listen. Then someone tells them how to get out of it. They say, "No thanks. It’s warm here. It’s what I know. It’s comfortable. I’d rather just stay and complain about the smell and whose fault it is that I’m here."

We call these secondary gains. It’s the benefit we get from the status quo. It’s our reward for holding on to our problems. No one will change until they are willing to give up the perceived benefit of staying the same. As long as I stay depressed and refuse to get better, no one will expect much from me. As long as I remain a victim, I don’t have to take responsibility. As long as I’m sick, people feel sorry for me. Where is my motivation for change in that?

What are you doing to ensure that you won’t get better?

Do you really want to change, or do you want to just keep talking about how much you really want to change?

What are the rewards you are gaining from holding on to your problems?

You will change when it hurts too much to not change.

What’s that smell?

Self Talk

2007-04-01T17:51:00.000-07:00

I am a child of God. I am valuable. I will get better. I can make it. I am not a failure. God loves me. I will take better care of myself. I can learn new skills. I have a lot to offer. What other people think of me doesn't matter. What God thinks of me does. Life is worth living. I make mistakes, I am not a mistake. There are people who need what only I can offer. I can relax. I can let go of this. I have nothing to prove. I am totally forgiven. I will never take my own life. I accept who I am. I am deeply loved. I am at peace. I will succeed. I forgive myself. I accept Gods' grace and today I will rest in Him. I will make better choices. I don't have to be perfect. I am making progress. I am learning, growing and healing. I will meet my responsibilities, and take responsibility for my behavior. I am not a victim. I accept that life is not fair. I have come too far in my progress to go backward. I will discern who is trustworthy. What other people think of me is none of my business. I celebrate who I am. I will control myself, not other people. I find freedom in service, victory in surrender and new life in the death of the old, self-destructive me.

For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Jeremiah 29:11

Dear Michele

2007-03-24T18:57:00.000-07:00

I remember one time when you were four years old and you were playing at my desk. You found the drawer where I kept a little vial of pepper spray. The vial was designed to look like a pen so people wouldn't know they were about to get sprayed. Boy were you surprised when you pushed the little button on the end of the "pen". I don't think I've ever heard a scream quite like that.

I put your little face under the faucet and blasted your swollen eyes with water. You suddenly made the most annoying high pitched yelp as the steam coming off your face alerted me to the high temperature of the water. I just had to laugh. I mean what are the odds of that?

Love, Dad

Lose Weight! Get Laid! Find God!

2007-03-24T14:34:00.000-07:00

Another great book from the men who brought us This Book Will change Your Life, and it's sequel This Book Will Change Your Life Again! There is some very funny stuff in here. Follow this plan for each year of your life starting from age 0 to 100. Here are some examples.

Age 1: Learn to babble incoherently
Age 2: Learn to master bodily functions
Age 4: Attempt to murder your younger siblings (Lists ways)
Age 7: Ask adults stupid questions (Gives examples)
Age 8: Let TV start controlling your mind
Age 13: Go from loving to hating your parents
Age 15: Rebel against society
Age 26: Start working for the Man
Age 36: Burden your kids with unreasonable expectations
Age 45: Adopt a third world orphan
Age 46: Divorce messily
Age 58: Turn into your parents
Age 68: Move to Florida
Age 71: Spoil your grandchildren
Age 84: Discuss nothing but your diseases

Accelerated Reading Program Part III

2007-03-24T03:54:00.000-07:00

Final 15 books I read in 2006

Martin Luther, by Martin Marty...The book on the man.
The Hand of Providence, by Mary Beth Brown...Ronald Reagan's spirituality extolled.
For One More Day, by Mitch Albom...I cried. Hard.
In a Pit With a Lion on a Snowy Day, by Mark Batterson...One of my favorite books of the year. Chapter 8 validates my whole way of life. Not that I needed validation, but there it is.
The Practice of the Presence of God, by Brother Lawrence...another classic, has me more aware of Gods' nearness.
The Magicians Nephew, by C.S. Lewis...read em as a child, read em to my children, in 2006 read em as a child again.
The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe, by Lewis
Prince Caspian, by Lewis
The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, by Lewis
The Silver Chair, by Lewis
The Last Battle, by Lewis
A Horse and His Boy, by Lewis
Lincoln, by Gore Vidal
Velvet Elvis, Rob Bell...I'm gonna need a whole post to discuss this one.
To Own a Dragon, by Donald Miller...This is a special book and I know a lot of young men who have been greatly helped by it. I like Miller.

Accelerated Reading Program Part II

2007-03-24T01:57:00.000-07:00

16 more books read in 2006 and briefly reviewed

To America, by Stephen Ambrose...How his love of history enriched his life.
An Ordinary Man, by Paul Rusesabagina...based the movie Hotel Rwanda on this book, powerful, go read it.
Smoke and Mirrors, by Neil Gaiman...more short stories by this master of fantasy.
First Impressions, by Mark Waltz...I know him! He's my friend! I love that guy! He's a pastor, but not so's you'd know it, which is a high compliment from me. Oh yeah, the book...it sucked big time, just kidding. practical, proven ways to create the WOW experience in your church to help people know they matter to God. Now get busy on your next book Mark. Book mark.
The Weight of Glory, by C.S. Lewis...not his best, but excellent pages on the value of people, if we saw people for how they really are, immortal, glorious spirit beings in the image of God, we would be so overcome we'd be almost tempted to worship them, but instead we would treat every person as a being of infinite value.
Family First, by Dr. Phil...not bad, not a big fan, but his folksy common sense and direct delivery is refreshing.
Crazy, America's Mental Health Madness, by Pete Earley...great job of illustrating the mess our system is in. Solutions? Not so much.
On Being a Therapist, by Jeffrey Kottler...very helpful, I have a lot to learn, In fact I think when I'm 90 I'll be a half way decent therapist.
Law in America, by Lawrence M. Friedman...you might think that this book would be boring and of little value to us laymen, and you would be right.
He is There and He is Not Silent, by Francis Schaeffer...while I still consider it a classic, I'd forgotten until this time through how much he repeats info from his other books.
The Pirate Coast, by Richard Zacks, it's about Thomas Jefferson and the very first mission of the Marines, which was "to the shores of Tripoli." A good read.
Leading With a Limp, by Dan Allender... he's got a great half of a book here, I'd be willing to say more than half. This is much more easily forgiven if the second half is the better half, but alas, it wasn't. When the team doesn't show up after half-time there's no possibility of a comeback.
The Seven Sacred Truths, by Denis Waitley...even though it is filled with pointless psycho-babble, it also has a lot of New Age crap. So it all evens out.
Winston Churchill; Man of the Century, by John Ramsden...I knew Churchill was a great man, but I didn't realize just how great until I read Ramsdens' book.
Letters to a Young Therapist, by Mary Pipher...if you're seeing a therapist and they haven't read this book, buy it for them, and tell them you expect it to be read before your next session. Of course, they will be deeply offended and angry, and that's when you helpfully point out that it isn't you who've made them angry, they chose to be angry.
Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl, by Anne Frank...This was the first time I read it since I got to see the actual diary at the Museum of Tolerance in L.A. It had more of an impact this time.

Accelerated Reading Program Part I

2007-03-23T23:09:00.000-07:00

I try to read 100 books a year. Last year I missed my goal and only read 94. Some were great and some I would not recommend. Here is a list of the books I read in 2006.

The Swiss Reformation, by Bruce Gordon...Loved it, but then, I am really into history.
The Anabaptist Story, by William Estep...Loved it, helped me with my genealogy.
Bernese Anabaptists, by Delbert Gratz... Even mentions some Klopfenstein ancestors.
Age of Napoleon Alistar Horne...Liked it, but I'm sure there are better works on the topic.
The Great Fire of London, by Neil Hanson...Liked it and totally loved London when I got to visit. So I think I would enjoy most books about the history of London. With the exceptions being Numbers 20 and 39 on this page.
The Reformation, by Patrick Collinson...Liked it.
Leonardo, First Scientist, by Michael White...Loved it. The history of science is way cool.
Lies My Teacher Told Me, by James Loewen...Liked it, fun subversive facts to quote.
That's Not In My American History Book, by Thomas Ayres...See 8.
Truth and Fiction in the Da Vinci Code, by Bert Ehrman...Just ok, read DaVinci Code in 05 and quickly grew weary of the hype.
Night, by Elie Wiesel...Loved it.
Bird by Bird, by Anne Lamott...Loved it, and love her. Don't agree with her politics, but this gifted writer has helped me so much.
Plan B, by Anne Lamott...Loved it. You hate Bush, I get it, move on please.
Traveling Mercies, by Anne Lamott...Loved it, She stretches and challenges me.
Crooked Little Heart, by Anne Lamott...Loved it, go read this book, one of my fav authors.
Sir Apropos of Nothing, by Peter David...Liked it, big on puns, some clever.
The Woad to Wuin, by Peter David...It was ok, as a novelist he's a very good comic book writer.
Spiritual Notes to Myself, by Hugh Prather...He should keep the notes to himself, Hated it.
Stardust, by Neil Gaiman...Liked it, fantasy, comic book writer turned best selling author.
Great Tales from English History Vol. II, by Robert Lacey...Not so great.
The Message New Testament, by Eugene Peterson and God...I love reading the Bible in understandable words, just like how most of the New Testament was originally written in the commonly spoken language of it's day, Koine Greek. Another example would be the King James Version which was also written in the style which everyone spoke at the time. That was before the Shakespearean english in the KJV was elevated to holy writ and Bibliolatry, the worship of the Bible, ensued. Am I ranting? Where was I? Oh yeah. The Message. So contemporary it can be jarring in places. And so contemporary it will be obsolete in a couple of years. But I don't think I'll ever be ready for the gangsta hip hop rap Bible which already really exists. So I guess I'm no different than the KJV only people I was offending, and now beg forgiveness from. In the immortal words of Emily Litella, the character played by Gilda Radner on Saturday Night Live, "Never mind."
Up From Slavery, by Booker T. Washington...Loved it.
Just As I Am, by Billy Graham...Liked it, but not as much as I thought I would, love the man though.
The Real Rain Man, by Fran Peek...Loved it, go read this book, fascinating read about the man who inspired the movie.
The Age of Shakespeare, by Frank Kermode...Just ok, looking for a better one on him.
Flashbang, by Mark Steele...enjoyed it, funny stories, good message about how to get over yourself.
American History in Black and White, by David Barton...worth reading.
Soul Survivor, by Philip Yancey...liked the book, great writer, not his best work.
The Story of My Life, by Helen Keller...It was good, interesting,but I expected it to be better.
A Prayer For Owen Meaney, by John Irving...Wow. Loved it, will read again, go read it.
How to Master your Time, by Brian Tracy...Waste of time.
Stealing Gods Thunder, by Philip Dray...about Ben Franklin, good, but I want to read a better book about him. I heard his autobiography is the one.
The War of Art, by Steven Pressfield...on resistance to creativity, it was ok.
Indelible Ink, Scott Larsen, editor...Go read this, Christian leaders on best books they read.
Faster, by James Gleick...tedious, waste of time, should be called Slower.
Rich Mullins, An Arrow Pointing to Heaven, by James Smith...Awesome book, Awesome God.
Crime and Punishment, by Dostoyevsky...Go read it. On inner struggle to justify sin.
The Power of Self Coaching, by Joseph Luciani...nope, sorry coach, not a winner.
London, A History, by Ann Wilson...zzzzzz. History is not boring unless it is made so, it was.
Celebration of Discipline, by Richard J. Foster...challenged me, called me to go deeper.
Self-Worth Without Self-Worship, by Kenneth Beavers...good title and...good title.
Walking the Bible, by Bruce Feiler...worth reading, didn't buy his transformation.
The Unaborted Socrates, by Peter Kreeft...A gem, shines light of logic on emotional issue.
The Knowledge of The Holy, by A.W. Tozer...Classic, I've read it several times.
The Catcher in the Rye, J.D. Salinger...Huh? Did not get it.
The Pleasure of My Company, by Steve Martin...very funny, well written.
The Inner Life, by Thomas a kempis...Classic.
The World According to Narnia, by Jonathon Rogers...worth reading, good insights.
Hamlet, by Will Shakespeare...enjoyed it. Helped that I listened on tape as I read the book.
The Brothers Karamozov, by Dostoyevsky...I loved it. It is my nephew Joel Boerckels' favorite book. Which should be enough of an endorsement right there for you to read it. Better than Crime and Punishment.
Chasing Daylight, by Eugene O'Kelly...go read it. True story of a Fortune 500 CEO who gets cancer and learns to live before he dies.
Remembering Jim Crowe, by Stephen Smith...powerful, effects of slavery, made me angry.
Eisner/Miller, book length conversation between Will Eisner, creator of The Spirit and Frank Miller, creator of the graphic novel 300, which is sure to win the Oscar for Best Movie Ever.
Dawn, by Elie Wisel...liked Night better.
To Kill a Mockingbird, by Harper Lee...Love it, re-read it, I want a sequel. Brilliant.
Silence, by Shusako Endo...powerful, every missionary, every Christian should read it
The Prince and the Pauper, by Mark Twain...ok, not his best work.
To Be a Slave, by Julius Lester...former slaves and their children tell their stories. uh, wow.
Financial Peace, by Dave Ramsey...If I ever get some money I'll know what to do.
Something Beautiful For God, by Malcom Muggeridge...life of Mother Teresa, helped me to gain a better appreciation for her life and work.
When God Doesn't make Sense, by James Dobson...just ok, dated, Yancey handles the topic better.
The Real Jesus, by Luke Timothy Johnson...blasts the Jesus Seminar, which needs blasting, but still misses the truth.
The Total Money Makeover, by Dave Ramsey...see number 59.

Dear Michele

2007-03-23T22:57:00.000-07:00

I was thinking the other day about how much better the world would be if everyone would just ask them selves this simple question everyday, "What can I do to make Toms' life better?" What if millions of people would just take a few minutes out of their busy day to do something nice for me? It fills my heart with joy to imagine such a world. But it will never happen. And you know why? Because people are so selfish.

Love, Dad

Talkin' Bout My Genealogy

2007-03-23T21:31:00.000-07:00

This handsome man is my great, great, great, great grandfather. (Now we know where we get that prominent Klopfenstein nose from.) He was a Mennonite farmer.

Here is the list of my ancestors from father to son and the year they were born.

Michel 1544 My great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandpa
Hans 1573
Benedicht 1596
Peter 1632
Hans 1662
Pierre 1703
Jean 1729
Michel 1762 pictured above
Jean 1787
Michael 1824
Michael Jr. 1854
Gary Sigmund 1896
Gary 1924
Thomas David 1964 Me!
Benjamin Gary 1988

Nursing Home

2007-03-18T17:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday Nancy and I went to see her mother in the nursing home. She was sleeping. Nancy held her hand and told her how much she loved her. We were encouraged to hear that she ate, because she hadn't been. Alzheimer's is such an evil disease. It kills the person but leaves their body alive to suffer.

While we were there we heard an elderly woman down the hall yelling, "Mother... help...Mama...help..." That broke our hearts. She will do that for hours every day. That woman has regressed to a little girl. She misses her mommy. She doesn't understand why she is in this strange place or why her mom won't come and get her.

We are at that stage in life where we are trying to care for our parents and our kids. It can be very stressful at times.

The Power Of Serving Others

2007-03-16T09:14:00.000-07:00

I read a great book called The Power of Serving Others by Gary Morsch and Dean Nelson. Here are some quotes from it which I found helpful.

Everyone has something to give.

Most people are willing to give when they see the need and have the opportunity.

Everyone can do something for someone right now.

We live by loving and serving others.

Service isn't limited to big dramatic acts.

We can do no great things, only small things with great love. -Mother Teresa

We are the answers to other peoples prayers.

If we wait there's never enough to act. If we act, there's always enough.

Everyone needs a sense of purpose in their lives which transcends their daily needs.

Living for yourself is it's own type of slavery.

Failure is what you decide it is.

You can make a living, which is to measure what you get - or you can have a life, which is to measure what you give.

Everyone encounters someone every day, often across cultural lines, who could benefit from a gesture that says, "I see you. You matter."

Proper Care Of Nose Hair

2007-03-12T23:22:00.000-07:00

Perhaps you have chosen to ignore the cautionary tale in my previous post and you insist on growing out your nose hairs. Like a rebellious teenage hippie thumbing his nose at the establishment, you think you can stick it to the man with your counter cultural long hair and free love. Well I'm not here to judge you "dude". I used to be you man. As the photo clearly shows, back in the day I was proud of my luxurious nose of hair.

Personal Hygiene Tip Of The Day

2007-03-12T21:58:00.000-07:00

As one of the many public services I provide I will occasionally be sharing personal hygiene tips.

Have you ever been talking to someone when you notice unruly nose hairs sprouting from each nostril? I find it so distracting. I stop listening to them. Is it an optical illusion or are the hairs clearly growing before my eyes? It makes me want to reach over and get a solid grip on those hairs and yank a handful out. So far I have resisted the urge.

I don't even know what proper etiquette requires in such a situation. To tell or not to tell. On two occasions I informed the person of the offending locks. In the first case the hirsute one responded with a blistering insult to even the score. I was only trying to be helpful. My good deed did not go unpunished.

The second time I was on a first date. We were sitting at our table in Hacienda. She had the most beautiful eyes. But my view was obstructed. There, hanging like a rock climber from her left nostril, was a lone strand.

Now I can sense that you are judging me as you read this. Well hindsight is 20/20. I like to think I would handle the situation differently now that I am ten years older and much more sophisticated. You weren't there, so I don't see how you can look down your hairless nose at me.

Maybe it was the strawberry margarita talking, or the building tension as I tried but couldn't ignore it, beads-of-sweat-formed-on-my-forehead-her-lips-were-moving-but-I-heard-nothing-I-was-repulsed-yet-I-could-not-avert-my-eyes...I heard a pressured voice blurt out, "You have a hair sticking out of your nose!"

I seem to remember an awkward moment.

Six months later we were married.

I think the lesson is clear.

Dear Michele

2007-03-12T21:40:00.000-07:00

As I look back over my life there are some things I wish I would have done differently. I suppose that is normal for a middle aged man as myself. So please bear with me as I feel it is my duty to pass along what little wisdom I have attained.

Looking back over my life I wish I had done more crazy things. We try so hard to be mature and professional. Michele, every once in awhile do something unexpected, out there, insane. When I say insane, I mean things like mumbling to yourself as you drool, hugging cars, calling everyone Harriet, or explaining to strangers how the aliens put a microchip in your brain to monitor your thoughts. Claiming to be the messiah is always a good one.

Someday you will wish you had established a long history of insane behavior patterns so you can be declared not guilty by reason of insanity when you kill someone. And don't make the rookie mistake of thinking you can just act crazy the week before you do it either. They see right through that. Trust me, I know.

Love, Dad

Crazy Cat Lady

2007-03-11T11:42:00.000-07:00

Do you know a Crazy Cat Lady? Are you one? On the back of the package it has this quiz to determine if you are a Crazy Cat Lady.

Do you get excited when you hear a can opener?

Do you have more cats than ex-boyfriends?

Do you bring new boyfriends home so your cats can meet them?

Do you later break up with them because the cats weren't impressed?

Do you buy the kind of ice cream your cats prefer instead of the kind you prefer?

Have you ever warned a guest not to sit on a specific piece of furniture because it belongs to the cats?

Do you feel that the ancient Egyptian tradition of cat worship is the one true religion?

Can you tell your cats apart by the roughness of their tongues?

I will have to check the Diagnostical and Statistical Manual IV to see if this is a treatable diagnosis. My review of this toy is: 4 stars out of 5.

The word for the week

2007-03-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

The word for the week is brouhaha. I like this word because it is fun to say and it has a built in laugh. It's hard for me to stop after the second ha. I want to say brouhahahahaha.

We all need to start using this word more often, which I think would make the world a better place. Perhaps we could add haha to other words.

Please give me your creative definition of brouhaha.

A brouhaha is a noisy clamourous response to a stimulus, produced by a crowd. It can also refer to the reaction expressed over a period of time to an event. It usually carries negative connotations, the uproar being an utterance of discontent, however it has taken on a milder nuance and a 'brouhaha' may be used to describe a clamour arising for no good reason. Often used erroneously by sportscasters.
It originates from the French word of the same spelling.

Blended families

2007-03-10T20:30:00.000-08:00

Thursday night I got to speak at St. Joe Hospital in Plymouth on how to adjust to being in a blended family. Here are some of the ideas we discussed.

One thing that makes step-parenting so difficult is that you have all of the responsibility without the authority.

The step-parent tends to be the strict parent and wants to lay down the law. Their spouse then feels caught in the middle between the step-parent and their children, trying to keep the peace. This puts tremendous stress on the marriage. This fight is one of the main reasons that second marriages fail at a higher rate than first marriages.

When dealing with ex-spouses, all the grown ups have to act like grown ups. For the sake of the children take the high road. Even though your ex talks badly about you to the children you must not sink to that level.

If the children are not going to have two parents who act like adults, then give them one parent who does.

Step-parents, Lighten up! Don't force the relationship with the kids. Stop trying so hard. Choose your battles wisely. Let your spouse raise their kids as they see fit, even when you disagree with how they are handling the situation. Let your spouse be the primary disciplinarian for their children. Bite your tongue. Back off and stop being a part of the problem.

But do not become emotionally distant either. Be involved. Be an example, a support, and a presence in the home. Back up your spouse even when they are wrong. Present a united front. Never argue in front of the kids.

Our children will not learn every lesson we want to teach them before they are eighteen years old. They will figure out a lot when they have kids of their own.

If you really want to be heard, whisper. Kids are deaf to yelling.

When you feel you are getting upset, give yourself a time out.

We want our children to remember growing up in our home as a safe place where it was not just ok to be themselves, it was celebrated. We want to create a home filled with fun, silliness, and grace. For an example see the parents of the girl in the movie Bridge to Terabithia.

Yes, we are to have rules and consequences, but these are for the purpose of teaching and preparing them for a successful launch, not to punish them.

The way you best demonstrate your love for your spouse is by accepting and loving their children just as they are.

Well, we talked about a lot more, but that gives you an idea. I felt that it went very well.

When they hurt

2007-03-10T20:15:00.000-08:00

Its really hard to see people I love going through difficult times.

Especially when those people are my children. I feel powerless and far away. The fact is I am powerless. I wish I could take the pain away. I accept that God uses pain in my life to make me look more like Him, I just wish He wouldn't use it in their lives. I know thats not how it works. It's unrealistic for me to think they wouldn't suffer. But I sure don't like it.

So I pray for them. I know that prayer is not the least we can do. Somehow prayer works, and thats still a mystery to me. I am powerless, but God is all powerful. So I plead that He will comfort them in their pain, hold them close, and let them find healing in His presence.